I want to be criticized.

Rejected.

Disliked.

And ignored.

I want people to talk crap, make fun, snicker behind my back and laugh AT me when I walk away.

I want to stutter, fumble and go blank when I get up to speak in a room full of people.

I want to post a question and get no response, insta a photo and get no love, tell a joke and have no one laugh. Not even my mom.

“Hey, leave a comment!” ZERO COMMENTS.

I want to cry (and let my voice go all shaky) when someone confronts me and I’m uncomfortable. Or when I have to do something that makes me nervous.

I want to cry ALOT. with friends, strangers, alone and in company. I wanna UGLY cry. BooHoo. LOUD. in workshops, classes, meetings and therapy. Whenever it strikes me.

I want to look stupid.

I want to be wrong, make BIG mistakes… HUGE. and fail. EPIC FAIL. like 1,000,000 times.

But then…

I’ll get to be

Shame LESS

Fear LESS

Care LESS

& FREE.

UN inhibited

Me.

I’ll get to be me.

Can that be enough (even if no one approves and everyone watches)?

Let’s see.

Happy October xo

Carla